Extended QOTD — Role modeling and changing our speech habits

by | Feb 14, 2014 | Community, Mindfulness, Parenting's Deep Questions, Self-mastery

“What is one thing you are ‘role-modeling’ for your child/ren that you want to change?” I grew up with loving, generous, and “work in progress” parents. Though they were kind-hearted, their words when upset could be judgmental and sarcastic. I learned that sarcasm was the “safe” way to express my own anger and irritation and it fit well with my “good girl” drama. Though I’ve had many years to unlearn this habit and I don’t use it as frequently as I once did, it’s still a model that I sometimes set and don’t want to. Sarcasm is not an inheritance I want to bequeath to my daughter. While it’s true that she could pick it up from another part of her world (yes, sarcasm is thriving in our broader culture), I’m certainly the most likely source due to the amount of time we spend together. So here’s what I’m going to do based on past success in altering habits of speech that I’m ready to lose. How to change a habit of speech It may seem obvious, but the first step in changing a way that I talk is to notice that I do it. The more discerning I can be, the better I’ll be able to root out the old habit. Usually I simply focus my energy on catching myself any time I use the undesired speech — I also ask for trusted friends to bring it to my attention when I “mis-speak.” Whenever I engage in the undesired speech, stop talking the instant I notice I’ve done it. While this sometimes results in awkward pauses, it retrains...

Extended QOTD — Wasting our own time

by | Jan 31, 2014 | Mindfulness, Parenting's Deep Questions, Self-mastery

“What do you spend time and energy on that you actually don’t care that much about?” If you wonder what this picture has to do with this question or, are confused about what relation, if any, it has to parenting, I can explain. This photo is of my lower legs and how they look most of the time. Yes, I live in a culture that perpetuates the myth that beautiful female legs are hairless, smooth legs. For me, however, deep down, I don’t really care if my legs are hairy or free from hair. When I go to my gym class that’s filled with women with shiny calves and shins, the part of me that craves acceptance, quivers a bit and yells at me to “cover up those legs or at least trim the hairs so it just looks like you forgot to shave for a couple of days!” When I’m honest with myself, however, I personally don’t think that having hairless legs is worth the time, effort, or expense to make them that way. Also, I don’t think that my belonging or like-ability should have anything to do with the stubble-status of my legs. So that’s what the photo has to do with today’s question. But how does it relate to parenting or family life? Reality check We’re human beings with limits. Though we can change them to some degree and I believe in abundance and possibility, we still have actual present-day realities to live with. There are 24-hours in a day and seven days in a week. We have X number of dollars in the bank, earn...