Pondering parenting with a question of the day (or QOTD)

by | Jan 20, 2014 | Community, Mindfulness, Parenting's Deep Questions, Self-mastery

As any attentive student or teacher knows, questions help us learn, grow, consider, reconsider, examine, and wonder. As a parent, I notice that we often either believe we already know the answers, or act as if we know them. What I think is actually true, however, is that we frequently don’t know the answers or don’t even know that we don’t know. I also think that when we do periodically stop to examine our parenting path and the choices we’re making, asking the deeper questions will help lead us out of confusion and into the light. As a parent coach, one of my main practices is to ask questions (nope, I don’t actually provide the answers) and support families to discover the answers and truths that resonate with them. So, to keep my mind sharp and encourage you to ask the deep questions about life as a parent, I’m beginning a new series — the question of the day (or QOTD for short). Periodically I’ll post a parenting-themed question for you to ponder. I hope each one will at least give you pause, and that some will get your own mind and heart reeling to find your own answers. I welcome you to share your answers in the comments section or to join into conversation around any question that gets your attention. On a regular basis I’ll write in detail on one of the QOTDs. If you find a particular question useful, provocative, thought-provoking, or powerful, please share them on facebook or “like” the post. And, if you have a question you’d like to share with other parents, please...

When parents judge

by | May 11, 2012 | Common Challenges, Community, Mindfulness

Do you ever feel superior to other parents? Do you ever think your way is THE right way? Have you ever felt negatively judged by other parents? Have you ever felt guilty for not doing parenting “right”? I recently read Perchance to Dream, a post about infant sleep and the passion of the commenters and the original author got me thinking more about parenting and judgment and defensiveness. Why we get judgmental or defensive about parenting Parenting is one of the most important and lasting factors in helping each of us become who we are as adults. While there are numerous influences that shape who we are, there is likely no one who would say that parenting has no effect. Given this baseline, most parents have the sense of parenting as a high-stakes endeavor which couples with the nearly universal desire to be a good parent to our children and leaves most of us feeling an incredible amount of pressure to “do it right.” In this pressurized state, many of us seek expertise and answers so we’ll feel “okay” about ourselves and our actions. Unfortunately one of a couple of things may happen once we find the answers. We believe we KNOW what is right and we act as if this knowledge is THE TRUTH. This can make it easy for us to proselytize and simultaneously judge others who haven’t found “the light.” When we’re on the receiving end of a true believer’s judgment, we’re likely to either feel guilty for doing it “wrong,” and/or defend ourselves as right and become just as staunch in our position and practice....