Extended QOTD — Role modeling and changing our speech habits

by | Feb 14, 2014 | Community, Mindfulness, Parenting's Deep Questions, Self-mastery

“What is one thing you are ‘role-modeling’ for your child/ren that you want to change?” I grew up with loving, generous, and “work in progress” parents. Though they were kind-hearted, their words when upset could be judgmental and sarcastic. I learned that sarcasm was the “safe” way to express my own anger and irritation and it fit well with my “good girl” drama. Though I’ve had many years to unlearn this habit and I don’t use it as frequently as I once did, it’s still a model that I sometimes set and don’t want to. Sarcasm is not an inheritance I want to bequeath to my daughter. While it’s true that she could pick it up from another part of her world (yes, sarcasm is thriving in our broader culture), I’m certainly the most likely source due to the amount of time we spend together. So here’s what I’m going to do based on past success in altering habits of speech that I’m ready to lose. How to change a habit of speech It may seem obvious, but the first step in changing a way that I talk is to notice that I do it. The more discerning I can be, the better I’ll be able to root out the old habit. Usually I simply focus my energy on catching myself any time I use the undesired speech — I also ask for trusted friends to bring it to my attention when I “mis-speak.” Whenever I engage in the undesired speech, stop talking the instant I notice I’ve done it. While this sometimes results in awkward pauses, it retrains...