by Shonnie | Jan 20, 2014 | Common Challenges, Self-mastery
This morning I cried. Sorrow for not being the mama I can be. Sadness for not putting joy into my daughter’s morning like I could have. Heartache at my own short-comings and lack of greater awareness. In all honesty, I hadn’t done anything horrible or perhaps even that hurtful. But I had been focused on the wrong things and behaved more like a drill sergeant as I sought to pack my daughter’s lunch and get her ready to go to a friend’s house. Instead of bringing playful energy to our day and enjoying our short time together as we prepared to go, I was brusque and business-like, leaving little room for connection. “Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.” ~ Brené Brown For me, self-forgiveness is one of the hardest practices. Plenty of old beliefs still have roots dug in at places I’ve yet to weed. And my deep desire to lovingly raise my daughter frequently trips me up as a demand to do “everything right.” Sufficient work in personal growth means that when I do go unconscious, it doesn’t last and I eventually realize I was off track. Combined, these qualities mean that I want to be and do parenting really well, yet I know it when I’ve missed the mark and have come up as merely human — vulnerable, flawed, endeavoring, loveable, laughable, imperfect. Allowing my humanity in its “worst” form is hard — I’m working on it, yet it’s really challenging for me to offer myself that same grace of forgiveness that I can...
by Shonnie | Jul 27, 2013 | Common Challenges, Mindfulness, Parenting Practice, Self-mastery
Welcome to the July 2013 Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Anger This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children. This month our participants have written about anger. We hope you enjoy this month’s posts and consider joining us next month when we share about breastfeeding. *** Every (conscious) parent has regretted something they’ve said or done to their child in a moment of anger. We don’t normally talk openly about these incidents probably because we feel such shame, revulsion, and hurt that we lost control while in the throes of anger and behaved in an unloving, hurtful, or frightening way toward our child. Does this mean we’re abusive parents in such moments? At some level, yes. More importantly, however, it means that we’re all human and capable of doing things that don’t reflect who we really are and what we truly want for our children. That’s the bad news. The good news is that we have the power to deal with our pent up anger so that we don’t spill it out on our children (or others). Allowing anger without abusive behavior Growing up, I was punished for being resistant to situations or events I didn’t like. Yelling, having a “tantrum,” biting, or otherwise making my “hell no!” clearly visible was not okay with my parents (or other adults). I mention this not to blame my parents, but to explain my early/formative personal experience with anger. While harming another person (which I occasionally did when I bit someone) isn’t an action to condone, it is essential...
by Shonnie | Apr 27, 2013 | Common Challenges, Mindfulness, Parenting Practice, Self-mastery
Welcome to the April 2013 Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Peaceful Parenting Applied This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children. This month our participants have written about authenticity through self-expression. We hope you enjoy this month’s posts and consider joining us next month when we share about Peaceful Parenting Applied. ****** “Don’t mix up that which is habitual with that which is natural.” ~Gandhi In our everyday speech as parents — both to our children and about them — we are creating our reality and shaping theirs. Neither sticks nor stones, words are water, a powerful force that works its effect over time. Our speech is often habitual and unconscious which also means that we may remain unaware of whether or not we are creating what we really want through our words. Being more conscious and intentional can help us bring more peace, love, respect, and harmony to our hearts and homes. What do our words mean? How we talk to our children greatly affects their own self-image and sense of self worth. It strongly influences how they will see the world and interpret events. Our language (and tone of voice and body language) communicates approval or disapproval, acknowledgment or disregard, support or withdrawal and either strengthens or weakens the connection we have with our children. While most of us rarely say things that are blatantly hurtful, many, if not most of us occasionally speak to or about our children in negative ways. “My kid is all over the place and everyone else’s child is...
by Shonnie | Mar 19, 2013 | Common Challenges, The Needs of Children
Welcome to the March edition of the Simply Living Blog Carnival – Clearing the Clutter cohosted by Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children, Laura at Authentic Parenting, Jennifer at True Confessions of a Real Mommy, and Joella at Fine and Fair. This month our participants wrote about de-cluttering and cleaning up. Please check out the links to their thoughts at the end of this post. Before I decided to have a child, part of what I thought I wouldn’t like about being a parent was having a messy home. Yes, I was a neat-freak and still prefer an orderly space (not spic and span, simply clean-ish and well-organized). What I didn’t realize is that children attract clutter in so many ways that decluttering is an ongoing activity of modern family life. Why children are clutter magnets First, let me clarify that when I say “clutter,” I’m referring to anything that I think is unnecessary or unwanted. It’s the stuff that takes up space — physical and mental — that I’d prefer to leave free or use for other purposes. Whether it is an unsuitable gift from a relative, a trinket that your child is “awarded” at a doctor/dentist visit, some flora or fauna your wee naturalist has collected, bits of partially-eaten food, an “experiment” your budding scientist has started, or an art project your beginning painter has created, children draw stuff to them and leave stuff in their wake as they move through their day. There is no criticism here, just my observation of life with child. Children are clutter magnets because: People love to gift the children they...
by Shonnie | Nov 30, 2012 | Common Challenges, Mindfulness, Parenting Practice
Welcome to the November 2012 Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival: Gratitude and Traditions This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival hosted by Authentic Parenting and Living Peacefully with Children. This month our participants have written about gratitude and traditions by sharing what they are grateful for, how they share gratitude with their children, or about traditions they have with their families. The Authentic Parenting Blog Carnival will be taking a break in December, but we hope you will join us for the great line up of themes we have for 2013! *** “If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, ‘thank you,’ that would suffice.” ~ Meister Eckhart Religious or not, all parents pray in some way or another. We yearn for our children to be happy and healthy. We hope that the ills they bear in life will be minor and easy to recover from. We envision their living well and being fulfilled in their lives. We also wish to be parents who help rather than hinder, love rather than limit, and nurture rather than neglect the children we have to care for. And we say “thank you,” countless times for all the richness and blessings we and our children experience in the course of our lives. What we may find hard or confusing to do is to give thanks for the pain, trials, and tribulations of parenting (for ourselves and for our children). We want to praise the light and celebrate the victories. We find it natural to curse the darkness and regret the losses. But what if we...
by Shonnie | Oct 5, 2012 | Common Challenges, Mindfulness, The Needs of Children
Our families are sacred. While the relationships among us may get sticky or even occasionally sour, there is still a sacred sweetness among us whether our bonds be of blood or of choice. Part of our duty as parents is to help protect the sacredness within our immediate family, sheltering it from the outside winds that have no reverence for what we’ve created. I write this as an entreaty to all parents — mothers and fathers everywhere — to get serious about giving your family a place of honor in this world and to not let family become just one other part of your lives like work, hobbies, or volunteering. Our culture doesn’t want you to do this. If family is held as sacred like the Sabbath once was, then what happens to work, to commerce, to productivity, to consumption, to profit? American society has no love of family despite plenty who will claim “family values” are important. The law allows parents to take 12-weeks of unpaid job-protected leave upon the birth/adoption of a child which, while better than no leave, basically says that children are worth 3 months of devoted attention and no more. Our employers, our government, our culture places no importance on family so that is up to us. More specifically it’s up to us as parents with sufficient financial means to reclaim the sacredness of family. What does it mean to hold family as sacred? Do an internet search on “family as sacred” and though google can find 141 million results, the first five pages are mostly about religious institutions or rituals or are from...
